My relationship with Jesus so far has been a bumpy ride. There have been moments where I’ve felt so close to Him and there have been moments where I’ve drifted far away. The one constant has been my growth and this took time. My friend calls it pruning, the learning, unlearning and shedding of garments that are no longer mine to wear.
In this post, Get ready to walk with me through my journey with Jesus. My Saviour first of all and my very good friend. Note that everyone’s journey is different as there is no blueprint. Jesus is kind enough to meet us where we are, as He famously said, “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 NKJV
It Looks Like Talking to Him About Everything (Even the Messy Stuff)
The first thing that brought me close to Jesus was a situation that came after listening to “Talking to Jesus” by Brandon Lake. through this song, my view on prayer changed. i used to belive that prayer was all about getting on my knees to talk to God and make requests. Not to say this does not count but I was seeing it through only one lens. This song and a conversation with a friend led me to the realization that prayer was simply communicating with God, like you would a friend. Like you would approach your father with a problem or even a random bit about your day.
This opened me up to praying not just formally but honestly. Overtime, i got a prayer journal to write my prayers doen and this journal is as real as it gets. for me, writing is how best I express myself and so I get as raw as I possibly can. I talk to Him abour everything and even when I have no words, my tears do the talking. It’s not always pretty but then i know for a fact that He does hear me because I read through my entries and see prayers He has answered. Right now, there’s nothing off limits for me to tell him because even as He knows my innormost thought, He still wants me to come to Him. This encourages me and fills me with so much joy. the fact that I could yap forever and He never gets tired is amazing.
It Looks Like Still Having Doubts and Showing Up Anyway
Before starting this blog, I had questions and doubts about a lot. In true me fashion, I asked the Lord about it and expected to get an answer immediately. there was the desire to write, yes. There was doubt that I was not a good writer and I did not know exactly what to write about. These were the questions I had, “What do i write about and how do I become a better writer?”… the questions are clear now because the time has passed but in the heat of it, my confusion was so much, I didn’t even know what exactly I was asking for.
My answers and clarity did not come until I had spent about two months agonizing and questioning. These answers didn’t even come at once, they came in trickles. A helping hand here, a clear revelation there and bits and pieces coming together to paint a complete picture. One constant that I carried with me was God’s faithfulness. i held on to it regardless of my feelings in the moment. In the heat of my misunderstanding and what i considered His silence, I held on to the verse from Deuteronomy 31:8 that says,
“And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
From this, i leanrnt that God hs the capacity to accomodate my humaness. He has anticipated and made allowance for my shortcomings and so even when i am unfaithful, He is faithful. Even when i drift away, He is always with me. This knowledge is what anchors me when I feel lost at
It Looks Like Returning — Over and Over Again
One of my favourite songs is Over and Over Again by Elevation Rhythm.
No, I could never grow tired of telling You You’re worthy
There’s so many ways I could sing of Your glory
No, I will never get tired of telling You You’re worthy
Over and over again…
My year has taught me that walking with Jesus requires me to surrender my life to Him over and over again. Just like the lyrics said. God’s grace is sufficient to cover me when I fall. It is not a gift He reracts when I fail but it’s given and all i have to do is receive it. I have a lot of parables I love but I beieve that of the prodigal son encapsulates God’s love so beauitfully. Even when the prodigal son returned and expected to be a slave, his father welcomed him back with open arms, threw a feast and killed the fattened calf. the father was so happy to see his beloved son return home. the key is to return home no matter how many times I fall and allow the Father welcome me back with open arms.
It Looks Like Choosing Love When It’s Inconvenient
The transforming power of God’s love is often not mentioned enough. Remembering His sacrifice and His love for me has spurred me to want to give that love. in my human capacity, i am barely able to give a fraction of it. the Holy Spirit has often convicted me to respond with gentleness and kindness and patience (even when I don’t feel like it). I have learnt to forgive and let things go without needing an apology first.
I am still a work in progress so i am not perfect. One of the behaviours I’m unlearning is cutting people off at the slightest misconduct. Jesus often reminds me of the number of times He has forgiven me and urges me to do the same. If you think seventy seven times seven is a huge number, try to count how many times God has had to forgive you.
It Looks Like Growing in Ways I Didn’t Expect
Once upon a time, I belived that loving people meant tolerating and excusing their bad behaviour. I’m starting to see now that it does not and boundaries exist for a reason. Staying in a toxic space is not a testament of love.
I once had a friend who would belittle and attack my character no matter what I did to help her. She was constantly throwing words at me that were chipping at my self worth and we were quite close. My walk with Jesus opened my eyes to see that allowing her in my space was not good for me and so I distanced myself.
My growth has also made me more conscious of the labels I attach to myself. As a child of God, claiming names contrary to what He has called me is detrimental to the brand. A few names that are mine are: righteous, beloved, saint, child, daughter, God’s handwork, all good names. Calling myself anything else is not who I am, neither is it who He called me to be. This mindset has made me see and love the work He has created although I still struggle to believe them sometimes.
Conclusion
No, my walk with Jesus is not perfect. I often cry and I constantly ask Him to please hold my hand and guide me. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t need to be perfect. He’s asking me to come as I am, to trust and obey Him. That is how my love is expressed, to believe in His plans and obey when He sends me out.
If you’re struggling in your walk, you are not alone. Jesus is calling you to come as you are so open up your heart today. Believe that He loved you enough to die for you and be willing to choose Him for the rest of your life.
What does your walk with Jesus look like right now? You could answer this in your journal and reflect on your answer.
Song Recommendations
- Talking to Jesus by Brandon Lake
- Over and Over Again by Elevation Rhythm
- Heart of God by Zach Williams
- Getaway by Taya
- Run to the Father by Matt Maher
