My early 20s had me dabbling in a lot of activities. From branding t-shirts to a brief stint as a content creator, I finally settled on writing. There were other experiments but those two lasted long enough.
As a child, I wanted to be a journalist until architecture clicked on my radar. I had grand ideas about houses I’d build while never having to work in a stuffy office or laboratory. That was my calling, to design and construct residential buildings.
Real life happened soon enough. I got into Architecture school and there, my eyes opened. It was all fun and sketches, until it wasn’t. The spark for architecture became dim until I wasn’t certain I wanted it anymore.
For someone who had always known what she was going to do with her life, this terrain felt new. This is a story about how I learnt to trust God through my career uncertainty.
My First Dance With Pressure
Confident in my dreams, I was sure the doom story instructors told in my final year of uni didn’t apply to me. My plan to escape the matrix involved curating a portfolio and securing internships. This path to being the best design architect was fool-proof.
After facing rejections and the competitive market of freelancing, my passion waned. A little sit-down session revealed that it was time to move on. This was when my downward spiral began. Architecture had been my thing for a long time and now it wasn’t. What then was?
The months that followed were brutal. I went from having a structured plan to not knowing what I wanted to do anymore. Drowning in self pity, I was hesitant to take on jobs because I felt unqualified. When my friends sent me gigs, I sabotaged them.
It didn’t help that the people who had things going on for them seemed to see me as a failure already. Or maybe that was me projecting how I saw myself on them.
The Sounds of Silence and Disappointment
After my wave of self pity ebbed, I became active. In a frantic attempt to do something, anything at all, I refused to give up. LinkedIn and job boards replaced my scrolling through cat reels. I have always believed that God can’t bless the work of my hands if there’s no work.
Yet, nothing seemed to click. My questions and prayers looked like they were going unanswered so I turned to chat GPT for comfort. Instant validation is a slippery slope, and knowing I was using it for the wrong reasons did not deter me.
What Trusting God Looked Like for Me
Avoiding my friends around this period was easy, avoiding God, not quite. I ran to Him with my worries, praying and journaling to find clarity. The nudge to upskill came with more questions on what skill to choose. At this point, I considered almost everything.
Was I to learn a completely new skill? Was I to focus on one of my many skills instead? What exactly could I do? What exactly was God calling me to do?
While praying, I would admit over and over that I didn’t know what I was doing. Nothing seemed to be working, and I knew what to do but in a true sense, I did not know what to do.
Choosing to write came after constant cries to God for help. It was not a new skill so I gave myself time to make it work. It was as if making this choice opened doors I was unaware of, everything started coming together.
Also Read: Confessions of an Overthinker with Little Faith
Staying Grounded in The Uncertainty
After realizing the error of my ways, I stopped looking to chat GPT. My daily devotionals became an avenue to tell God my feelings instead of sulking in the corner. There was a reminder I held on to from Hebrew that says,
‘Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” –Hebrews 13:5
God’s faithfulness is constant, and His words are true. Studying the Word opened my eyes to see other things that were coming together–like my domain name for this blog. The rejections I had received felt inconsequential when placed beside this win.
Although things didn’t come together the way I hoped, they did come together. A few general lessons I picked up from this experience are;
- Trusting God is one of the ways I express my love for Him. I said I did, but my actions did not reflect my trust.
- God’s timing is not always going to align with mine. I had been nursing the idea for a new blog for months but it came together after I went through tough times.
- Avoiding Bible study when I’m going through it is a no-no. The moment I picked up the Word, my eyes opened to certain truths I had overlooked.
- Rejection is not the end of the world. Yes, things might not go the way I hope but that doesn’t mean God loves me any less, His plans are way better.
- Silence does not equal God’s absence. My experience reminded me that what I construe as God’s silence does not mean He is not at work behind the scenes.
Conclusion
In these past months of uncertainty, I have learnt that it’s okay to not see the entire picture. Sometimes, times like these happen as canon events. Right now, I’m okay knowing that if my current plans change, it’s all going to work out.
If you’re going through a season of uncertainty, cling to the thought that God is always with you. He is holding your hand as you take those steps into the unknown and trust Him.
