A common aspect of the 20s experience is the pressure to have your life all figured out. There’s a pointer at every turn to “know” what you want from life and go after it. No one remembers that for most of your life, there has been a sort of trajectory.
In school, there was a calendar with space for holidays. Internships or vacations in the summer, family time in winter. Then comes adulthood where there’s neither a calendar nor a guide. You only have constant reminders to know what to do and make no mistakes. Like a baby learning to walk, you have to get up unaided when you fall down a lot of times.
For a while now, I’ve been feeling stuck. I went from having a plan to not knowing what I wanted from life. You’ve probably guessed that those who know what they want are not so patient with those who don’t. And that’s why I’m here, to share my experience and provide tips that are helping me navigate my 20s.
The Expectations vs. Reality of Your 20s
Society impacts how we feel about our lives, because we want to meet the expectations laid out for us. The conventional path for most young adults goes like this,
Graduate from college, move out, get a job, build a stable life, get married, have kids and live happily ever after.
Meanwhile, a lot of young adults never make it to college. Benchmarks like getting a job, moving out or getting married differ for everyone. To most of us in our 20s, our priorities evolve over time.
I envisioned what my life would be like. It included having financial security and moving out to a fancy apartment with a “homey vibe.” I’m currently juggling multiple jobs, working on myself and living with my parents.
The conversations with my friends have also changed. We’ve gone from sharing memes to opportunities for jobs and stuff. This was a slow transition I did not see coming, and while a few people are established, most of us aren’t yet.
Lessons I’m Learning As I Go
As my expectations crumble, I’m learning to embrace a reality that’s not as I envisioned. Here are a few lessons that I’ve picked up on the way.
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On failure
It’s a vital part of the learning process. I won’t always get things right on the first try, but failing gives me a chance to correct my mistakes. The hack for me is to go into things expecting to be terrible until after a few tries.
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On friendships
My growth has cost me a few friends. Relationships failing do not have to be anyone’s fault, people drift apart and that’s okay. I miss a few people who aren’t in my life anymore, but I refuse to force any relationships.
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On direction and detours
Change is one part of the human experience that is constant. I have become more open to the idea that my mindset, views and plans are going to change over time. Life is going to fire her shots so the best I can do is adapt quickly with a strategy to dodge as many bullets as I can.
Struggles Rarely Talked About While Navigating Your 20s
As much as we share a lot of experiences as humans, there are issues that are subjective to most of us. It feels like we’re dancing around the root cause of our feelings when they arise. You say you feel sad and the next thing you hear is, “No, don’t feel sad. Everything would be okay.”
It’s so easy to give advice on things we know nothing about. On my journey, these are a few struggles I find hard to talk about.
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Imposter Syndrome
The constant feeling of being a fraud is one I struggle with. My skills and accomplishments do nothing to dispel this feeling, especially at work. Despite this, I am learning to overcome it by giving myself more credit and journaling through it.
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Loneliness
Have you ever felt alone while surrounded by people? I never had many close friends to begin with, but my 20s took a fair number of them. As an introvert, going out to meet new people isn’t a viable solution for me, and I’m yet to find a way to deal with this.
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Wanting more but not knowing what that is
This is a canopy I am firmly planted under. To a great extent, I have a picture of what I’d like my life to look like. On the other hand, I don’t know what exactly to do to get this life I want. It’s a vicious cycle I’m learning to navigate as I move along.
Of course, there will inevitably be setbacks and failures, but it is important we learn from them and move forward. Amidst other struggles, these are the three that make me cry most nights. In spite of this, there are usually glimmers of hope in-between these moments.
Small Wins That Actually Matter
It’s easy for me to get caught up in things that aren’t working, so I fail to see what is. I’ve learnt now how important it is to shift my focus. When life becomes heavy and overwhelming, I remember those things that are going well for me. Below are a few:
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Having a relationship with Jesus
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Setting boundaries as a recovering people-pleaser
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Showing up and learning to trust myself
These are not grand gestures but they have opened up the possibility that, yes, being in my 20s isn’t so bad. I always say there has to be more to life than whining all the time, and I mean it. I’m learning to develop new habits and mindsets to improve myself.
I now consume more books and media that keep me grounded enough to perform tasks better. Also, the pressure to feel among has significantly reduced. The timeline of my life isn’t the same as anyone else’s so why compare?
Conclusion
Having your life together and getting it right the first time is not ideal for most of us in our 20s. The mistakes we make don’t have to cripple us, they could be lessons we learn from. You don’t have to feel alone while adulting. I look forward to providing insights to help you navigate and figure out your 20s experience.
Are there any things you’ve noticed about being in your 20s that have surprised you? Please leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.
