Navigating Your 20s: Figuring Life Out In Real-Time

A common aspect of the 20s experience is the pressure to have your life all figured out. There’s a pointer at every turn to “know” what you want from life and go after it. No one remembers that for most of your life, there has been a sort of trajectory.

In school, there was a calendar with space for holidays. Internships or vacations in the summer, family time in winter. Then comes adulthood, where there’s neither a calendar nor a guide. You only have constant reminders to know what to do and make no mistakes.

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Figuring life out in your 20s feels like you’re a toddler learning to walk. When you fall, you laugh at yourself and try again.

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For a while now, I’ve been feeling stuck. I went from having a plan to not knowing what I wanted from life. You’ve probably guessed that those who know what they want are not so patient with those of us who don’t. And that’s why I’m here, to share my experience and provide tips that are helping me navigate my 20s.

The Expectations vs. Reality of Your 20s

Society impacts how we feel about our lives, because we want to meet the expectations laid out for us. The conventional path for most young adults goes like this:

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Graduate from college, move out, get a job, build a stable life, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after.

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Meanwhile, a lot of young adults never make it to college. Benchmarks like getting a job, moving out, or getting married differ for everyone. For most of us in our 20s, our priorities evolve over time. You spend years figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Feeling lost becomes normal.

I always envisioned what life in my 20s would be like. It included having financial security and making memories in my apartment with a “homey vibe.” Right now, I’m juggling multiple jobs and living with my parents.

Conversations with my friends have evolved from sharing memes to job opportunities. This transition did not happen overnight, and while a few friends are established, most of us aren’t yet.

Lessons I’m Learning As I Go

As my expectations crumble, I’m learning to embrace a reality that’s not as I envisioned. There’s a tiny voice whispering that “having it all figured out” might be a myth. So, here are a few lessons that I’ve picked up on the way.

• On failure

It’s a vital part of the learning process. You won’t always get things right on the first try, but failing gives you a chance to correct mistakes on the next try. The hack for me is to go into things expecting them to be terrible until after a few times.

• On friendships

Growth will cost you a few friends. Relationships failing do not have to be anyone’s fault; people drift apart, and that’s okay. I miss a few people who aren’t in my life anymore, but I refuse to force any relationships.

• On direction and detours

Change is one part of the human experience that is constant. Become more open to the idea that your mindset, views, and plans are going to evolve over time. Life is going to fire her shots, and the best I can do is adapt quickly and try to dodge as many bullets as I can.

Struggles Rarely Talked About While Navigating Your 20s

As much as we share a lot of experiences as humans, there are issues that are subjective to most of us. It feels like we’re dancing around the root cause of our feelings when they arise. You say you feel sad, and the next thing you hear is, “No, don’t feel sad. Everything would be okay.”

It’s so easy to give advice on things we know nothing about. On my journey, these are a few struggles I find hard to talk about.

• Imposter Syndrome

The constant tingling of being a fraud is one I struggle with. My skills and accomplishments do nothing to dispel this feeling, especially at work. Despite this, I am learning to overcome it by giving myself more credit and journaling through it.

• Loneliness

Have you ever felt alone while surrounded by people? I never had many close friends to begin with, but my 20s took a fair number of them. As an introvert, going out to meet new people isn’t a viable solution for me, and I’m yet to find a way to deal with this.

• Wanting more but not knowing what that is

This is a canopy I am firmly planted under. To a great extent, I have a picture of what I’d like my life to look like. On the other hand, I don’t know exactly what to do to get this life I want. It’s a vicious cycle I’m learning to navigate as I move along.

In life, there will inevitably be setbacks and failures, but it is important we learn from them and move forward. Amidst other struggles, these are the three that make me cry on most nights. In spite of this, there are usually glimmers of hope in-between these moments.

Small Wins That Matter to Me

It’s easy for me to get caught up in things that aren’t working, so I fail to see what is. I’ve learned now how important it is to shift my focus. When life becomes heavy and overwhelming, I remember those things that are going well for me. Below are a few:

-Having a relationship with Jesus

-Setting boundaries as a recovering people-pleaser

-Learning to rest and trust myself

These are not grand gestures, but they have opened up the possibility that, yes, being in my 20s isn’t so bad. I’m learning to develop better habits and mindsets. Also, the pressure to be like others has significantly reduced. The timeline of my life isn’t the same as anyone else’s, so why compare?

Final Thoughts

Having your life together and getting it right the first time is not ideal for most of us in our 20s. The mistakes we make don’t have to cripple us; they could be lessons we learn from. You are not alone on your journey.

I look forward to providing insights to help you navigate and figure out your 20s experience. Has anything about the 20’s experience surprised you?  Please leave a comment; I’d love to hear from you.