In my second year of high school, there was a week when I was unwell. While my friends were in school studying, I was to rest in my room. Restless and unable to nap, I picked up the Calhoun Women by Nora Roberts.
That was the first romance novel I read, and it influenced my taste in books for years. In this article, I will be sharing a few lessons I’ve learnt about love from romance novels.
Lessons On Love From Romance Novels
It is common knowledge that the romance genre is often regarded as less. Those with intellectual preferences judge romance readers and are quick to dismiss us. Our stories are “too simple” and “predictable”, why bother?
Right now, my taste in books is evolving so I’m still figuring out what I like. However, this has not stopped me from fan-girling and rereading past favourites. Below are some insights I have gained from the many novels in my completed pile.
1. Love is not always loud.
Love means different things to different people. As a teenager, I believed love was all about grand gestures. The greatest expression of love was a boy holding my hand in public to show everyone we were together.
Regency novels where dukes saved damsels in distress acted as my guide. Those taught me that for a boy to love me, he had to slay dragons. If he announced to the ton that I was his chosen against all odds, that would be even better.
Now, I’ve realized that love is also present in the little things. Those random check-ins during the day matter as much as surprise trips to Paris.
2. Love is a choice.
I learnt this after reading You Deserve Each Other by Sarah Hogle again. The first time, I was too caught up laughing to notice the cracks in Naomi and Nick’s love story. A duo that truly deserved each other.
Rereading the book opened my eyes to the fact that love requires you to make a choice. To choose your partner with their flaws and baggage they carry. On days your heart is full and days your reserves feel low.
Watching Naomi and Nick evolve led me to the realization that love is more than a feeling. And not only romance, but in family relationships and with friends. You might feel like throttling your siblings sometimes, but you still love them.
3. Love reveals truths about you.
It’s easy to judge others for behaviours we justify in ourselves. Most characters I dislike reflect parts of me I don’t like. For example, the miscommunication trope always annoys me. Meanwhile, I am a poor communicator on most days.
I keep wondering how I got through The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood. I read this book four times in one year at a point, sue me. As much as I love Olive, she made me scream. And even though I’ve learnt to talk things out to avoid confusion, I still struggle to express myself.
4. Lost love still counts.
“We all yearn for what we have lost. But sometimes, we forget what we have.”― Mitch Albom
In Julia Quinn’s When He Was Wicked, a character lost someone whom she loved very much. In her grief, she closed off her heart and refused to love anyone else. I admired her loyalty, but it broke my heart too.
A lot of people who won’t stay in your life forever. Losing them is not a reason to never love again; at least not to me at this point in my life. I intend to let people in and love them, as much as my heart allows it.
5. Platonic love is powerful.
Allysa Kincaid from It Ends With Us taught me that putting my girls first, is the greatest ode to our friendship. I know now that platonic relationships are also important. My friends would go to the ends of the earth for me, and vice-versa.
These days, there’s a lot of pressure on romantic partners to be everything. That is one propaganda I refuse to fall for. You need to have primary and secondary relationships to avoid overwhelming one party.
Final Thoughts
Love for me has come to mean more than the feeling of euphoria knowing my boyfriend exists. It’s when my brother goes out of his way to get me coffee, or when a friend listens to me rant for 30 minutes.
As much as fiction isn’t always realistic, there are lessons we can learn from these stories. What have your favourite novels taught you about love?
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