Growing up, having a relationship with Jesus seemed foreign to me. I went to church every Sunday because it was the norm, and Bible stories were interesting. In high school, I met people who knew Jesus as a friend and not the man who spoke in parables.
This concept was foreign to me. My knowledge of Jesus was that I couldn’t approach Him as a sinner. Sin included anything I enjoyed-like secular music and gossip-that the church preached against.
I decided then that I wouldn’t try having a relationship with Him until after my graduation from uni. There was this desire to live without feeling guilty doing things I liked. So far, it’s interesting to discover that Jesus has never been against fun or joy.
In this story, we would be going on a journey that uncovers how I stopped hiding my faith, and love for Jesus.
Arc I: Years of Being Lukewarm
In my final year of high school, a few students acted in a play called, “The Wider World.” In it, the studious believers never had fun because they were serving God. The worldly students partied hard and got into trouble after making terrible choices.
My subconscious carried this ideology into uni, I believed serving God was equal to a boring life. In the end, my experiences in school weren’t “fun.” Introverted, I spent most of my time with my friends or boyfriend.
As an unsupervised student not living at home, Saturdays and Sundays were my days off. I went from attending mass every Sunday to choosing to skip on most. Jesus and I weren’t friends so what was the point, right? The comfort of being lukewarm was enough, until it wasn’t.
Arc II: The Slow Work of Conviction
The stir came while the world was reeling from the effects of COVID-19. This was months after losing the dearest person to me. Angry with God, I stopped going to church, and wanted nothing to do with Him.
It was all so unfair and I watched with envy as people around me ran to Him for comfort. A close friend introduced me to YouVersion and sent me a few songs by Maverick City Music. This was when the change began but I was unaware of it.
Listening to new music with reluctance, I also looked up plans about grief. Completing them made me see that God understood where I was, and this broke me a little. His arms were always open to me, and this time I chose to walk into them.
Arc III: Letting Go of Old Garments
During and after what I term the major arcs, I developed habits that whetted my appetite for Jesus. There were erroneous beliefs and patterns to give up. Habits like reading smut, gossiping, and using cuss words that had been nothing to me became heavy.
With time, there were other things the Holy Spirit brought to my attention. However, these changes did not come in an instant. I did not stop reading smut until a year after deciding to choose Jesus. Even now, I am unlearning certain habits.
Life with Jesus is so much better than life with only me. Although there are times it gets overwhelming and I drift away, I will always drift back…
In the past, I believed I was unproblematic and “perfect” because of my tendency to be very nice. Meanwhile, my journey with Jesus shows how imperfect I am. This imperfection always leads me back to the realization that I do need Jesus.
Arc IV: Old Things Have Passed Away
Right now, religion is no longer my metric for righteousness because Jesus is. In the beginning, my imperfections made me want to hide from Him like Adam and Eve in the garden. If I see myself as a reflection of Christ, how can I claim to love Him with all my imperfections?
Studying the Word of God opened my eyes to a lot of things. Most of the people God used in the Bible have one flaw or another so who am I to be different? Although imperfection is my current state as a human, God is willing to use me with all these flaws.
A Bible verse that keeps me grounded is this:
“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” —Matthew 5:14-16 NKJV
To know Jesus is to love Him and others. Hiding my faith is not to be, I can’t hear the gospel and not share it. The pressure to be perfect might creep in but my roots will remain in Christ.
Arc V: Lessons I’m Still Learning
Yes, my journey with God is still in progress. As a human with many failings, I have to trust God for strength. My faith is not a brand I’m walking around with until it goes out of style. This relationship is as real as it gets for me. Here are some lessons I’m learning;
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To see myself through the eyes of a God who loves and values me.
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To trust and obey because I love Him.
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To love and forgive others, the way He does to me.
These aren’t things that happen because I say, “I love Jesus”, transformation is a constant process. Yes, I struggle with fear, doubt, and my heart wants things done her way. However, a friend once told me that God still uses our flaws for His purposes. How beautiful is that.
Also Read: What Walking with Jesus Actually Looks Like for Me
Conclusion
How did I ever believe knowing a God who created so much beauty for me to enjoy would be against fun?
As much as the ways of the world often clash with my beliefs, I’m learning to lean on God and not hide. It’s easy to breathe and exist, because I’m surrounded by people whose values align with mine.
What are some wrong notions you had about having a relationship with God? Drop a comment, let’s talk about it.
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