My faith threshold if that exists would have to be likened to tides at a beach. On some days, it’s cresting and on others, it’s flowing slowly. Jesus was compassionate enough to say that faith as small as a mustard seed would move mountains but sometimes, my faith is not even as small as that. It feels nonexistent because the noise from my thoughts drown it out.
As a new Christian, I often wondered why I claimed to trust God when my thoughts patterns and actions did not often reflect that. Here are few confessions about the ways I overthink even when I know that God is on my side.
Confession 1: I Fight for Control With My Limited Capacity
A lot of the time, I struggle with releasing the reins of my life and handing them over to God. I did not think much of it until an event in late 2023 brought this to my attention.
During my driving lesson, I was to make a turn to get into the main street. My instructor was holding the steering with me to guide it a little bit (huge mistake). I turned the steering too much and we began veering off the road. My instructor couldn’t access the steering because I hed on too tightly. Thankfully my foot was on the break and we were able to stop the car from moving too far. No one was hurt but the car suffered a mild scratch.
Reflecting on that incident was like a mirror on my life. How many times would I claim that Jesus had the wheels of my life when I am seriously wrestling for control. How many struggles had I laid at His feet to end up trying to solve them my way. Surrendering looked like letting the wheel go so Jesus could guide it.
Confession 2: I Doubt, Then Feel Guilty for Doubting
I used to believe that having a relationship with God would eradicate all licks of doubt in my psyche. In my head, if I doubted any part of His Word then I was a disappointment and I clearly lacked faith. It made me unable to carry certain problems to Him and I would deny some of these issues that arose. This strained our relationship ofc but I was innocently unaware. Having any trace of doubt seemed to be a pronouncement of my lack of faith.
Overtime, this belief evolved. I don’t remember now what triggered it but I now understand that God has the capacity to tolerate my doubt. He did not reject Thomas for requesting to see His hands and side, He showed Him proof instead. There are various ways He answers the questions I have. I’ve gotten clarity from conversations with people, studying the Word and observing the world around. As much as I doubt, I understand that Jesus is able to answer whatever questions I raise.
Confession 3: I Want Signs for the Signs
This is one struggle that has me by the jugular. As a curious individual, I am constantly driven by this desire to know and be sure of everything. That controlI mentioned earlier often manifests like this. To protect myself and avoid taking risks or making mistakes, I ensure my plans are foolproof. I pary to God for confirmation and then wait and pray again to ask for more clarity before I take any steps forward.
I often wonder if Jesus shakes His head and smiles when I find my way back like, “Hi Lord, it’s me just checking to see if Your yes is really yes and if I can go ahead with xyz…”
This shows my desire for safety by asking questions over and over again. And I have learnt that God does not always answer in the ways I expect. At this point, I often laugh at myself when I stress for confirmations and then He takes His time to answer me. Like I know that even if I spend a week crying and kicking because of an issue, He would unravel it when the time is best. Note that my “knowing” does not stop me from stressing.
Confession 4: I Struggle to Sit Still in Prayer
Praying with an overactive mind is often tricky for me. That’s when my mind wanders to the snack I had for lunch or a task I’m to complete. I used to feel awful about this and so I started thinking of ways to stop it. In my head, my focus is easily taken away because I have no reverence for God. I know that this is untrue, the human mind zones out on loved ones and the love felt is no less.
A devotion mentioned incorporating the distracting thought into my prayer and I tried it. Instead of willing the noise away, I welcome it and make it a prayer point. It’s easier to deal with when I journal my prayers or when I’m praying out loud. Praying in silence is a harder task and I’m yet to find what works for me.
Confession 5: I Overanalyze People (A Little Too Much)
I believe that overthinking and making assumptions go hand in hand. Mystery creates blanks while the mind rushes to fill them. Although I make less assumptions now, I was an Olymic medalist in jumping to conclusions. I had no idea that it affected my relationships so much until communicating constantly revealed how many lies I believed.
I read meaning into almost everything—wrong meanings—and I would take my conclusion as proof. Having conversations about the situation would now reveal how wrong I was. These days, God is teaching me to slow down, simply allow things happen and let people be. My friends are human and I no longer need them to give me detailed explanations behind every unread text or suspectec subtext.
Conclusion
In my quest to stop overthinking, I have learnt to accept that God’s plans for me are good. Plus overthinking has never really solved my problems and yet, I still do it. My gratitude remains the fact that despite my doubts and shortcomings, Jesus is kind enough to love and accept me. His arms are patiently open to all of us too.
Do you struggle with thinking too much? How has it affected your faith in Jesus? Please leave a comment below and let me know.
